TOB Reflection - Sexual Attraction vs. Lust

We'll have some music to start with...

Now a brief intro to the Theology of the Body and Christopher West's mission. (From a short interview)

Now, let me share something from that I learnt from my experiences in the light of the Theology of the Body (TOB) taught by (soon to be declared Blessed) Pope John Paul II (JP2). This is about the way we clothe ourselves. I mean 'clothe' in its literal sense, and not spiritual, such as clothe in salvation, purity, poverty etc.

With a highly broken and abused sexuality, it was very difficult for me to confidently confront women. Having for so long considered the beauty of woman as something to be looked upon with lust, I faced difficulty in the initial days of my Christian walk. It was through the loving motherly & sisterly care and love of the prayer group members that God used to teach the value and strengths of a woman. Personalities with a healed sexuality or those growing towards it are among the things that charmed me when I read the biographies of saints, that gave me the confidence that it is possible.

These days it is very common to see girls wearing mini skirts and very less clothes; and guys wearing transparent clothes. It is not because they can't afford more clothes, because they appear to be as expensive as or even more expensive than normal clothes. In the last two years, we were finding it difficult to get a high waist or even medium waist jeans for my wife, since in most shops only low-waists are available. We are also often forced to dig up T-shirts and tops with a decent neck, finding only a small percentage satisfying even our moderate needs. This givens a clear indication of something:- our culture has easily accepted the fashions promoted by the media. Things that used to make us raise our eyebrows two years back are now well-accepted.

TOB is the first teaching that I have seen that narrated in detail about "nakedness without shame". The Pope points to our Guru Jesus who invites us to look at the situation "in the beginning". In the beginning, man and woman were naked, but they did not feel shame. Had they not sinned, we all would have today looked at each other with the same freedom that our first parents then had. So parents would have been comfortable before their adolescent kids appearing as they are; naked, so would be young men and women studying in the college. We would have seen the image and likeness of God imprinted in our souls that is made visible by our bodies. Without the corruption of sin, our bodies would have been even more beautiful, not requiring any make-up, hair dyes, deodorants, anti-ageing creams etc., for they would not have suffered any wrinkle or spot. That was the power of original innocence. Dress was not in God's original plan. Imagine how much expenditure would have been avoided!! Today itself I had to shell out around 5K during the tempting end of season sale.

And then the sin entered the human dimension. First consequence was that their eyes were opened; and they realized that they were naked. They covered they body members with fig leaves weaved together. Then they went hiding for the fear of facing God.

The simplicity of the Scriptures often 'deceives' the proud hearted. They think that they know these 'books' very well. That was why I always wondered why opening of eyes is such a bad thing. Afterall what was their fault? They were seeking the knowledge of good and evil. Was not Solomon blessed for asking this same favour from the same God? Why in the first place did God forbid the fruit? Was he afraid of man knowing right and wrong and thus become like Him?

With TOB as well as the traditional interpretation of the Church, one comes to the understanding that the forbidden fruit is the temptation to disobey God and in some sense to play God by deciding what is good (and right) and what is evil (and wrong). (You can see that this same problem is the heart of all the evils today prevalent in the world where Church faces the greatest challenge - Relativism, Atheism, Abortion, Contraception, Homosexuality, Radical Feminism, Liberation Theology, Marxism etc. Rather than discerning what is good and evil as Solomon prayed, we tend to decide what is evil and what is good.) It is a denial of the revealed truth or revelation from God. It is not only disobedience of God, but also a lack of faith and trust in God. It is a faith in the father of all lies that God is someone who wants to hold something for Himself, and if you get hold of that you can be like God and does not need to depend on Himself (need not submit to His authority). It has no comparison to Solomon's prayer. They didn't desire any good. They wanted "to be like God" apart from God. Little did they remember that God created them in His image and likeness, that they were the crown of creations. They didn't know that their foolishness to get hold of "something that God withheld from them" would one day be cancelled by sending His only begotten son for us to be the sacrificial victim. "He who did not spare his own Son but handed him over for us all, how will he not also give us everything else along with him?" - Rom 8:32

TOB teaches that man and woman knew that their bodies revealed a nuptial meaning of their existence. ie. they were created to be a gift to each other. This was clear with Adam's first love song - "here is at last, the bone of my bone, and the flesh of my flesh". But with sin, their vision became corrupted by "lust". They "opened their eyes" to see each other as things to be [ab]used rather than as gifts to each other. They knew that a terrible corruption has occurred. "Ah... what have we done to ourselves??" To save each other from lustful vision, they decided to protect themselves by wearing their ameteaurly made clothes. God later on gave them a professionally made clothe (with animal skin). Pope JP2 says that though shame was not in the original scheme of things, it nevertheless gave the awareness to protect themselves from lust, and hence in the current scheme of things (after the original sin) shame helps.

Though TOB is a lot more than all this, this is the point which I wish to highlight in this reflection.

• The first point is that we all need to acknowledge the inclination all human beings have towards lust. We should not be shocked to find ourselves or our neighbors being troubled by lust. When we love ourselves and also our neighbors as ourselves, we should love as we/they are.
• When we present ourselves before others, we must be charitable to the fact that my appearance must not trouble our neighbors in the area of lust.
• Lust dominates when we look at a person as a thing, and not as a gift. If we look at a person as God's gift, we are filled with gratitude towards God and love towards the person. This way we can grow in dominion over lust.
• Lust should not be confused with sexual desire. The former is a capital sin, and the latter is a gift from God. Sexual desire is planted by God in man and woman as they are created to be a gift to one another.
• Our sexual desire needs to be liberated from lust, and to be directed towards the purpose that it is meant for. Lust leads to [ab]using oneself as well as the other[s].

We knowingly or unknowingly do our part to enhance our sexual attraction. There are a number of factors that contribute to this attraction. For example, Face, Figure, Color, Shape, Smell, Movements, other attributes such as Courteousness, Pleasing Personality etc. We almost know what it takes to improve the sexual attraction of man as well as woman. (Well the examples I am citing are common perceptions prevalent in the society, and I am not generalizing or trying to impose stereotypes.) For example

• If a woman uses lipsticks we say it is quite normal. But when a man uses it (unless he is about to show up before the camera) we find it a bit bizarre. One might suspect him to be a gay. (Sorry if I sound prejudiced)
• A woman typically is confident wearing a skirt only if her skin is not hairy, otherwise she would try to remove the hair from her legs before wearing it. Same is the case with a woman with mustache. On the contrary, a grown-up man with less hair on his legs is typically less confident to show up his legs for the fear of being mocked by others for looking feminine. Rather than showing his hardly-growing-mustache, he would rather want to appear clean shaven.
• A woman with similar looking lips or eyes of Aishwarya Rai will get compliments for that, but a man having the same features may not get a similar treatment. Similarly a woman who has a muscular built similar to that of John Abraham may get appreciation in the body-building circles, but may not be appreciated in terms of sexual attraction.

(Some people don't like such comparisons for various reasons. But I share it only since I felt this is relevant to this topic.)

The point I was trying to make that you cannot separate our physical attraction from sexual attraction, because what is attractive for one gender may not be so for the opposite gender. So, when you shave your face or when you shape your eye-brows, you are enhancing not only your attraction, but also sexual attraction. That does not mean that it is done with the sole purpose of attracting the opposite sex, but rather to look attractive with respect to one's own gender. Hope I have made my point clear.

Man and woman have clear differences in the body. Even in the common members such as face, hands or feet a sensible person can make out that the LORD has designed man and woman physically different, yet beautiful in one's own rite. It is these differences that primarily invoke sexual attraction between man and woman. (Of course a lot of other attributes and traits also work together. Again sexual orientation of a person also matters, which is beyond the scope of this reflection.)

Now when sexual attraction is corrupted by lust, both self and the other become objects of pleasure. Man/woman cannot cultivate lust in himself/herself without driving out love for self and other, and before that, God. That's why even the most neatly-dressed woman may be looked with covetousness by a man when filled with lust. For the same man, it is possible that he is not troubled when he looks at his daughter or sister in short night-dress, because he loves them. (It is pitiful in the case of a man who harbors lust towards those even at home.) So let me upfront admit that lust cannot be justified by the problem with the way others dress up.

Having said that, it is very important to express your love for your neighbor by not giving him/her any chance to be look at us with lust. The usual prescription we all hear is "dress modestly". Well, that is included in my list too, but it's not on the top.

1. Our body reveals the mystery of God. God is love. Love drives out lust. Love washes many sins. Remember that God loves and honors us. Remember that God loves and honors your neighbor. Love and honor ourselves and our neighbors, and we will see love replacing lust from all the gazes upon us. It is difficult for even the most dreadful sinners to look at Jesus and Mother Mary with lust. The more we look at them the more we are set free from lust.
2. Those who look proud, interact only in small circles and keep themselves aloof from the rest are more likely to attract lustful gazes, for they do not entertain loving gaze.
3. Of course, those who want to be looked at with desire will obviously get what they look for. Immodest dressing just the opposite of treating oneself with love and honor. It also offends love and respect to the neighbor, because it provokes the inclination of the neighbor towards lustful passions.
4. Immodest behavior too attracts lust. A husband and wife showing affection publicly by intimate activities provoke lustful desires in an onlooker.

(The list goes on...)

To summarize, I have experienced that the truth that God gifted me through TOB is one that sets me free. Just setting my vision right brings enormous healing to my body, mind and spirit, and TOB is doing just that. It teaches the meaning in finding me and those I look around created in a certain way. As God said at the end of each day of creation - "It is good". It is also good to thank God for making me exposed to this truth.

Blessed John Paul II, pray for us!
God, heal us in the area of sexuality!

Lessons Learnt During Praise & Worship Ministry - II

Dear all,

(Continuation of the previous posting with the subject "Lessons Learnt During Praise & Worship Ministry - I")

• (Not a real incident. This is for example only)
  In the Indo-Pak border the Army captain was pressing on hard to contain the infiltration problem. He had two companies of army posted at two key locations. The captain instructed the commanders of the 2 groups (each with 10 members) to shout "Vande Mataram" when they need to charge towards the enemy. When the time came, the commander of the 1st group thought - "Why should I waste my energy in shouting 'Vande Mataram'. No one in my group doubts my patriotism. So he said the slogan "Vande Mataram" but with an average voice. The group members felt that the commander is less confident, eventhough the enemy group were only 8 soldiers. Though they did their best, they got terribly assaluted by the enemy who charged upon them with full josh. Meanwhile the other commander was facing an enemy group of 15 people. He shouted "VANDE MAATARAM" with all of his heart, mind, spirit and strength. The group members could feel patriotism in the air... they were all set to lay their lives for their MOTHERLAND. It look less than 5 minutes only to finish all the 15 of the enemies without losing even 1 soldier, managing with minor injuries only. Thus everyone realized that the command to shout VANDE MAATARAM was not jusst meant to give honour to the country, but also to give strength and victory to themseslves.
• Some people think that Christian life is one that is very peaceful. NO.... It's the fiercest battlefield, in which you are not going to get enough rest until you finish the race. Here the enemy doesn't sleep. But the good news is that our Heavenly Father is always at work, and so is Jesus (John 5:17). To keep going, we should frequently confess with our lips our God, the name of Jesus and the salvation that He brought us. This confession of faith reassures our faith and the faith of the community. The voice of the world is loud, with the enemy ready to deceive us with his lies, and to be in focus we need to raise our voices uttering the truth.
• In fact praising our Creator is far more meaningful and fitting than to shout slogans for the motherland. "The HOLY ONE of Israel inhabits within the praises of His people." (Psalm 22:3). How much more it re-vitalizes those who utter His praises!! How much more it scares and scatters the enemy!!
• A good time of Praise and Worship prepares the way for the WORD OF GOD to produce 100 fold fruits - repentence, healings, deliverance, decision makings, reception of spiritual gifts/charisms etc.
• Two things that the Worship Leader/Team should go after - Presence of the LORD, Anointing. One is not independent of another, one brings the other.
• Music Ministry plays an important role here. Though people call it Music Ministry, it is or rather should be in fact Worship Ministry. Music in itself does no good here if it does not lead one to Praise and to Worship. A well known worship song puts it most beautifully - "I bring you more than a song, for a song in itself is not what you have required... You search much deeper within, through the way things appear... You're looking into my heart. I'm coming back to the 'heart of worship' that is all about YOU... all about you, JESUS"
• If a song is sung just as a song rather than as a praise/worship, it does not help much to experience the Presence of the LORD and his Anointing.
• You can't command Anointing of the LORD by the choice of your words and songs, but your humility and thirst for it can. "Water flows only towards the low-lying area."
• What is the role of the Music Ministry?
  
  • Is it to sing/play songs? No
  • Is it to sing praises? Yes, but that's not enough!
  • It is to lead people to praise and worship the LORD. They must not only praise & worship, but should help the entire congregation to do so
• So, their role is to complement the Worship Leader's job to help the congregation sing praises and offer worship to the LORD, with apt songs.
• Worship leader with his words declares "ABOUT THE LORD", His works, His nature and qualities that encourage the congregation to praise the LORD; Music Ministry complements with songs of praise.
• Worship leader with his words helps the congregation to utter words of love, honour and worship "TO THE LORD"; Music Ministry does the same with songs of worship.
• Until recently I thought that songs of praise are fast numbers and songs of worship are slow and soothing songs. I was not clear the difference between praise and worship, until I saw this link http://www.reference.com/motif/Society/difference-between-praise-worship.
  
  "The difference between praise and worship is that the praise is usually comprised of songs that talk about the goodness of God. The songs also sing about what the Lord has done for us and what the promises of God are. The songs talk about how good the Lord is. Worship are songs that are singing directly to God. You are singing about how you adore Him, thank him, trust him, admire him, exalt him, etc. Another way to show that you are worshiping God is to do what the word of God says that you are supposed to do. A great example of someone showing that they are worshiping God is when the Lord says in the bible to love your neighbors as yourselves. When a person begins to love someone that is unlovable you are worshiping God with your actions."

(More to come in the next edition)

Lessons Learnt During Praise & Worship Ministry - I

Dear all,

"Let us give thanks to the LORD our God.... It is right to give Him thanks and praise" (Roman Missal)

I am back here to share what I've learnt while being in the team leading worship ministry.

In the initial years, when I was in MA College of Engg, whenever I had to lead the Praise & Worship, it was almost entirely spontaneous. I was not even sure whether it is right to plan things (I was of the opinion that there is no need to plan and everything will be revealed on time.) At that time I was a little careless about how the group responded to the way I was leading. Sometimes it was good, sometimes it was not. I was a little avert to using tips and tricks in order to make the session interesting. To me it was like interfering with the work of the Holy Spirit.

It was when I came to Mumbai and started ministering to a youth prayer group in Mulund (sometime in 2002-03) that I realized that leading a P & W session needs a lot of preparation. Years with Jesus Youth Mumbai taught me a few lessons on this which I wish to share with you all. I hope that this will be of some use to the new Jesus Youth leaders, those in the parish choirs, the new leadership in KEY Army and so on.

I don't attempt to present a research paper on Praise & Worship. You will find detailed presentation on the net. As in my earlier posts on "Lessons Learnt .." series, you will find several things doubtful or inconsistent, and so feel free to disagree with my views.

• Praise and Worship is a beautiful way of responding to God's infinite love, glory, providence, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and all that He really is, with all the superlative qualities.
• The praises that we offer is something that cannot match what He rightly deserves.
• A layperson who is not used to Praise & Worship may find it awkward. One might wonder if any god would require his creation to shout praises to him; and if so, how praise-hungry god he is!! But things are a bit different...
• All the heavenly beings (Angels and Saints) constantly see the beatific vision of the One Almighty God!!! They can't help constantly praising Him whose glory and goodness has no measure!! Nobody compels them. They do so because they are really know what they are doing!
• "God so loved this world that He gave His only begotten Son so that whoever believes in Him shall not persish but have eternal life." (John 3:16) "To those who accepted Him, to those who believe in his name, he gave power to become children of God" (John 1:12). By praising and worshipping God who made all this possible, we are already doing what we will be doing in heaven for eternity.
• Our praises & worship do not add anything to the "intrinsic glory" of God or subtract anything from this glory by not doing it. But the "extrinsic glory" (glory that needs to be duly acknowledged by the creation) is not perfect; rather it's minimal compared to what He deserves. By way of our Praise & Worship, we are privileged to participate in increasing the extrinsic glory of God.
• The last person who is benefited by hearing our shouts of praise or the seeing the moments of worship will be God. Our praises confirms our faith and that of the congregation. Our worship brings us closer in intimacy with the LORD. It renders our enemy powerless. The power of God is released abundantly that breaks the bondages and set ourselves free.

(To be continued)

Just Missed!!!

Dear all,

While the Jubilee excitement is in the air, I missed by a day something that is of great importance to me.

It was on 21st October 1996, the last day of Campus Meet '96 at Nirmala College (Muvattupuzha, Kareala), that I first ever made an act of commitment to the LORD. I was not sure what I was doing, I had never had any plans to do such a thing before coming there. The last day last session was led by Manoj Sunny chettan, who talked about Jesus Youth movement, its Catholic roots, Charismatic spirituality etc. Many of the things I did not understand. But when he asked us on the previous day (20th) to write on a piece of paper the names of those who hurt me and whom I need to forgive, I did so, and I was a bit surprised when we were asked to surrender those people to the Lord and tear the paper down. But with the 3 grace-filled days, I was really responding positively to the sessions, and I honestly and earnestly obeyed. On the final day (21st), Manojettan asked us to write down a few decisions that we all want to take. I think I made a decision to surrender my life to the LORD and to be faithful to Him. And I asked Him the grace to keep the commitments, because I knew I didn't have a strong will power.

(I heard after the programme from some leaders that that programme was not as fruitful as it was expected. I don't know all those things. What I know is that the LORD touched me and blessed me through it. Praise Jesus!!)

So, it's 14th anniversary just passed after making my first commitment to the LORD. In Biblical terms, 2 Sabbath Years have gone by. It is inviting me to thank, introspect, correct, hope and march ahead along with the cloud of witnesses around me, many of those belonging to Jesus Youth movement. Say one prayer for me as you read this.

Happy Jubilee!!

Lessons Learnt while Helping the Choir

Dear all,

Being a shy person by nature and with a lot of stage-fright, it was only out of sheer need that I started becoming a part of the Music Ministry in Jesus Youth Mumbai, sometime from year 2003. Stage fright is to a little measure still there with me, but I could really see myself experiencing a tremendous healing in this area, especially when I go out on stage to sing. I shared this to encourage people who strongly feel that this is your ministry, but have lots of fear in mind.

Now I am back with something to share with you on the lessons I learnt over these years while helping in the Music Ministry. As I said about the "Mass lessons" this too is a reflection on my experience, and I am not presenting this as general rules.

• I am part of something larger than my talent / aspirations / ambitions / glory etc. etc.I've heard that when a Eucharist is celebrated, the whole heavens come down around the altar to watch the awe-inspiring mysteries of the Trinity, Incarnation, [Birth, Life, Passion, Death & Resurrection of Jesus Christ], Redemption, Transubstantiation and so on. In a smaller measure though, something similar happens during Eucharistic Adoration, Bible Proclamation, further down to Praise & Worship / Rosary etc. Nobody attending the service has come to listen to 'my voice', but my voice can be instrumental in lifting their hearts to God and His mighty presence along with the heavenly hosts.
• I am there to support the Liturgy or the specific ministry such as Word of God sharing, Praise & Worship etc.
  In the case of Mass, what I can do best is to choose the songs that suits to the theme of the Bible Readings and the Homily. I find that the Priests truly admire our effort to complement their job of putting a message across to the people of God. I might have better songs in my kitty, but they might have nothing to do with the day's theme. The same is the case when someone else is leading the Adoration, Praise & Worship etc. The beauty of the service doubles when everyone gives their best "in one accord".
• I am there to lead the people of God to greater intimacy with the LORD
  To the extent possible, I must avoid singing songs that very few or no one in the congregation knows. I must realize that majority of the congregation wants to join with us in singing. Of course there are occasions where this can be violated, for example during moments of intense worship, and only one or two lines are sung in repetition. But for most of the time, if we cannot teach the song to the congregation in advance, it will end up leading people to distraction.
• I must not be a distraction
  If I attempt fancy things to get noticed and appreciated, even if that goes extremely well there is a chance of I distracting the congregation. I must pray hard for the anointing so that when I sing they must lift up their eyes and ears to Jesus, and not down to me.
• When I prepare in prayer for the service, I must pray for the entire service, and not just for my role.
  This has happened with me several times. I prepare for the Adoration & Healing Service part where I am supposed to sing. But the service also includes Mass, Novena, Confession, Counseling etc. Our prayers must be to bring people to the experience of God's love, repentance, healing and deliverance. When I am praying for the people to be touched by God only when I sing, I forget the Power of the Mass, Power of the Intercession of the Saint whose the Novena is and so on; and I also forget the need to pray for the Priest, the Altar Ministers, other Choir members, the Congregation as a whole etc. and even the Priest who sit for Confession and the Elders who sit for counseling. It's the ministry of the Church, not just mine.
• I must know my sinfulness as well as the willingness of God to work through me
  I think it is self-explanatory. I should not forget what I am. But I should also remember that He is a generous Daddy who wants us to take part in His work. Jesus said to the disciples before He multiplied the loaves & fish - "There is no need for them to go away; give them some food yourselves." (Mat 14:16 http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/matthew/matthew14.htm). Trust in His Words and serve Him, for multitudes will be fed through you

A Jubilee Decision

In this Jubilee Year, I am making a decision very special to me. My patron saint is St. Martin de Porres (http://magnificat.ca/cal/engl/11-03.htm). His story is worth said, that can move the heart of the hardest nature. I am known by my saint's name only in my Mulund circles only, where I got baptized in the year 2002. It sometimes pricks my conscience that even I remember him very rarely. But in these days of real blessings of the Jubilee, I have decided to remind myself and others that I am born again as "Martin", with great deal of his intercession, and above all the intercession of Mary our mother. I will be glad if anyone starts addressing me as Martin. I am sure that if someone calls me Martin when I am in the state of sin, that itself would make me run to the confessional.

The biggest detail I've ever got about St Martin was a book I read on him which is not more than 100 pages. But as I read it sometime in 1999, I knew that he is going to be my patron saint if I ever get baptized. One small book was enough to build a strong bond between us!! I received baptism on 8th September 2002 (solemnity of the Nativity of Blessed Virgin Mary, and also a Sunday), an on the same year I received my first Sacrament of Penance, First Holy Communion and Holy Confirmation. Our Bishop was coming on November 10th to give the First Holy Communion and Confirmation to the children. Since I was receiving both, Fr. Joju the parish priest said that Confirmation is generally given after Communion. But in the Solemn Celebration, Communion is at the last and Confirmation is in the middle. Since I am receiving both, I was advised to receive Communion in the previous Sunday itself. That was November 3rd 2002 Sunday, which was also the Feast of St. Martin de Porres!!!! Praise God!

Before I disclosed that I wanted to have my name as Martin, some of my prayer group members got a message that Martin is the name shown to them. That was a joyful confirmation.

This is thus my first mail with the changed signature, through which I want to proclaim to myself and to the world about what I am called to be.

Some Lessons on Celebrating the Mass

Dear all,

In the past couple of weeks, I could experience a sudden turn of events that really helped to renew my walk with the LORD. I got the grace to celebrate Mass daily, and to spent good amount of time in rosary, personal prayer, Word of God reading, writing etc. etc. I attribute all this revival to the most generous graces showered by our Father in the name of Jesus through His Spirit. This happened through the motivation & prayers of multiple people, not as a group but in individual personal interactions, but all working together in proper order for the salvation of my poor soul. Another reiteration/affirmation of God's constant love and concern for me.

At this juncture, to start with my own response to my "Jubilee Thoughts", I am sharing a few lessons I learnt in my struggle to celebrate Holy Mass in a worthy manner. These are not general rules, but things I felt really apply to me. I am sharing this to myself grow in this fellowship, but if anyone finds this useful, it's a bonus!

In this span of 14 years since I first started celebrating Mass, I have gone through my ups and downs in the way I celebrate the Mass. I notice that in my beginning years, I used to see God's presence with the whole heavenly hosts upon the altar, but many a times in the years later, I had to struggle with lots of wandering thoughts during the celebration. I found that though my faith in the Real Presence never reduced, the devotion to it varied. I used to wonder what was wrong, and wanted to figure out how to deal with the problem.

As I introspected, I could find out the following things:

• When I was not regularly spending time in personal prayers, there were distractions during the Mass.
  The connection? I meditate/contemplate a lot during my prayer time. If I am not spending time in prayer, I would instead spend time in contemplation during the Holy Mass. Thus, instead of watching closely the Holy Mass and its mysteries, I would do my contemplation, which I came to as "not healthy", though contemplation was something good.
• When I am not using my Liturgy Book, I tend to get distracted.
  When I shared my difficulty to some of my friends and to some religious sisters, they recommended me to use the Liturgy Book. I could not first accept this suggestion, because I though that I will lose spontaneity if "read" prayers from a book. But I was amazed to see that their suggestion was full of wisdom, and it worked. I learnt that almost all the religious sisters daily use the Mass book, eventhough they know the prayers by-heart much more than we do. Why? One of the reasons is this: If you are not using the book, you'll need to put some effort to remember the prayers, however small that effort is. Our focus might shift to saying the prayers correctly from our memory "by-heart" rather than saying the prayers "from heart". Again, we may also tend to feel the pride in "knowing it fully" especially when you see your 'poor' neighbor "needs a book". (All this may not be true for you, but it is for me)
• When I get distracted for some part of the Mass, I would get discouraged for the rest of the Mass.
  Even with my best efforts, it was (and is) common that distractions happen. At times I even "miss" the most important parts such as "Words of Institution" and the "Invocation of the Holy Spirit". Till some time back, if I got distracted for some portion of the Eucharist, I used to get discouraged till the end scolding myself for the same. But when God convicted me that though I need to set high standards for myself (according to the gospel values), I need not put high expectations from myself, that too so soon. God made me realize how poor I am and how He still loves me. The times when I was walking triumphantly with Him did not point to my greatness but to His ability to cover my inability. So what if I got distracted for a few minutes, I can humble myself and with ten times zeal try to open myself to the infinite graces of the Most Holy Eucharist by giving my best in the remaining moments, even if I come to my senses only during the Final Blessing.

That's all for now. I hope to continue my sharings as and when inspired to do so. I pray that I may be inspired all the time. ;-) If this inspires you in anyway to share your experiences, let that add glory to HIM.

On Contemplative Prayer

Dear all,

In the trail I have pasted a chapter from the well known book "The Way to Perfection" written by St. Teresa of Jesus. If you are interested in reading the e-book, you access it here - http://www.ccel.org/ccel/teresa/way.html

This book is very helpful for those who want to grow in intimate friendship with Jesus in prayer.

---

Taken from The Way to Perfection (St Teresa of Jesus, Avila)

CHAPTER 17
How not all souls are fitted for contemplation and how some take long to attain it. True humility will walk happily along the road by which the Lord leads it.

I seem now to be beginning my treatment of prayer, but there still remains a little for me to say, which is of great importance because it has to do with humility, and in this house that is necessary.

For humility is the principal virtue which must be practised by those who pray, and, as I have said, it is very fitting that you should try to learn how to practise it often: that is one of the chief things to remember about it and it is very necessary that it should be known by all who practise prayer. How can anyone who is truly humble think herself as good as those who become contemplatives? God, it is true, by His goodness and mercy, can make her so; but my advice is that she should always sit down in the lowest place, for that is what the Lord instructed us to do and taught us by His own example. Let such a one make herself ready for God to lead her by this road if He so wills; if He does not, the whole point of true humility is that she should consider herself happy in serving the servants of the Lord and in praising Him. For she deserves to be a slave of the devils in hell; yet His Majesty has brought her here to live among His servants.

I do not say this without good reason, for, as I have said, it is very important for us to realize that God does not lead us all by the same road, and perhaps she who believes herself to be going along the lowest of roads is the highest in the Lord’s eyes. So it does not follow that, because all of us in this house practise prayer, we are all perforce to be contemplatives. That is impossible; and those of us who are not would be greatly discouraged if we did not grasp the truth that contemplation is something given by God, and, as it is not necessary for salvation and God does not ask it of us before He gives us our reward, we must not suppose that anyone else will require it of us. We shall not fail to attain perfection if we do what has been said here; we may, in fact, gain much more merit, because what we do will cost us more labour; the Lord will be treating us like those who are strong and will be laying up for us all that we cannot enjoy in this life. Let us not be discouraged, then, and give up prayer or cease doing what the rest do; for the Lord sometimes tarries long, and gives us as great rewards all at once as He has been giving to others over many years.

I myself spent over fourteen years without ever being able to meditate except while reading. There must be many people like this, and others who cannot meditate even after reading, but can only recite vocal prayers, in which they chiefly occupy themselves and take a certain pleasure. Some find their thoughts wandering so much that they cannot concentrate upon the same thing, but are always restless, to such an extent that, if they try to fix their thoughts upon God, they are attacked by a thousand foolish ideas and scruples and doubts concerning the Faith.

I know a very old woman, leading a most excellent life—I wish mine were like hers—a penitent and a great servant of God, who for many years has been spending hours and hours in vocal prayer, but from mental prayer can get no help at all; the most she can do is to dwell upon each of her vocal prayers as she says them.

There are a great many other people just like this; if they are humble, they will not, I think, be any the worse off in the end, but very much in the same state as those who enjoy numerous consolations. In one way they may feel safer, for we cannot tell if consolations come from God or are sent by the devil. If they are not of God, they are the more dangerous; for the chief object of the devil’s work on earth is to fill us with pride. If they are of God, there is no reason for fear, for they bring humility with them, as I explained in my other book at great length. Others 53walk in humility, and always suspect that if they fail to receive consolations the fault is theirs, and are always most anxious to make progress. They never see a person shedding a tear without thinking themselves very backward in God’s service unless they are doing the same, whereas they may perhaps be much more advanced. For tears, though good, are not invariably signs of perfection; there is always greater safety in humility, mortification, detachment and other virtues.

There is no reason for fear, and you must not be afraid that you will fail to attain the perfection of the greatest contemplatives. Saint Martha was holy, but we are not told that she was a contemplative. What more do you want than to be able to grow to be like that blessed woman, who was worthy to receive Christ our Lord so often in her house, and to prepare meals for Him, and to serve Him and perhaps to eat at table with Him? If she had been absorbed in devotion [all the time], as the Magdalen was, there would have been no one to prepare a meal for this Divine Guest. Now remember that this little community is Saint Martha’s house and that there must be people of all kinds here. Nuns who are called to the active life must not murmur at others who are very much absorbed in contemplation, for contemplatives know that, though they themselves may be silent, the Lord will speak for them, and this, as a rule, makes them forget themselves and everything else.

Remember that there must be someone to cook the meals and count yourselves happy in being able to serve like Martha. Reflect that true humility consists to a great extent in being ready for what the Lord desires to do with you and happy that He should do it, and in always considering yourselves unworthy to be called His servants. If contemplation and mental and vocal prayer and tending the sick and serving in the house and working at even the lowliest tasks are of service to the Guest who comes to stay with us and to eat and take His recreation with us, what should it matter to us if we do one of these things rather than another?

I do not mean that it is for us to say what we shall do, but that we must do our best in everything, for the choice is not ours but the Lord’s. If after many years He is pleased to give each of us her office, it will be a curious kind of humility for you to wish to choose; let the Lord of the house do that, for He is wise and powerful and knows what is fitting for you and for Himself as well. Be sure that, if you do what lies in your power and prepare yourself for high contemplation with the perfection aforementioned, then, if He does not grant it you (and I think He will not fail to do so if you have true detachment and humility), it will be because He has laid up this joy for you so as to give it you in Heaven, and because, as I have said elsewhere, He is pleased to treat you like people who are strong and give you a cross to bear on earth like that which His Majesty Himself always bore. What better sign of friendship is there than for Him to give you what He gave Himself? It might well be that you would not have had so great a reward from contemplation. His judgments are His own; we must not meddle in them.

It is indeed a good thing that the choice is not ours; for, if it were, we should think it the more restful life and all become great contemplatives. Oh, how much we gain if we have no desire to gain what seems to us best and so have no fear of losing, since God never permits a truly mortified person to lose anything except when such loss will bring him greater gain!

TOB Reflection - Language of the Body

As we read from the theology of the body, body is a visible sign of our invisible soul, and as such what we do with our body must image our inner self's character. In the book I read sometime in 2002 - "Love, Sex and the Catholic Church" (available at St. Paul's) the author talks about the "language of the body". Let me give you an example. When I kiss my 1-year old son on his forehead, it communicates something to him "I love you my son. You are so dear to me!" When I hug him tightly, I give him assurance that my loving hands will be always there to protect him. Though he does not understand what I speak, still he clearly shows the sign that he is able to understand my gestures. My soul or mind are not capable of expressing myself to him what my body and its actions could. These are honest expressions from me. There are several bodily gestures that we do in a similar way which mean or talk something. So, when we shake hands with some one, show thumbs up, say good morning, wink, we are saying something. Now it is possible to hug someone, but at the same time wish ill for him/her in our mind. This is where a conflict occurs between what we communicate and what is inside, or rather, a conflict between our body and mind, body and soul or between mind and soul. Here, we are not true to ourselves, and to the person to whom we communicate.

Conjugal union has a language. It is a communication. It is a dialogue. It images the union of Christ with the Church. It images the union of the trinity. Here the couple places themselves to the complete trust in God, which images Mary's surrender to God - "Here I am your maid servant. Be it unto me according to your will". It is an expression of total self-giving to the other as well as the total acceptance of the other. Giving just as one is, and accepting just as the other is. This union is a creative and life-generating one. This is life-generating even when one (or both) partner is barren or sterile due to any physical illness or nature, since the union that it images is life-generating. Just as the Holy Spirit is generated from the mutual love between the Father and the Son, conjugal union that images mutual surrender & acceptance always brings life into the lives of both the partners. The physical life (offspring) generation is no less meant to be a Sacrament of this "life received in abundance".

Now, I am entering into the next aspect our topic - "Birth Control". I will share my views on the morality of Birth Control as a whole later. But one category of Birth Control is called "Contraception". Why I made this distinction was because it means "against conception", and birth control need not necessarily be an action 'against conception'.

So conjugal love - if it is honest - should speak many things. "Here's the flesh of my flesh, and the bone of my bone." "I love you and accept you just as you are, completely", "I give myself entirely to you, and accept me just as I am, with all my good and bad, strength and weaknesses", "Here I am. There is nothing hidden from you. There is nothing that separates us." "I share my joy of being one with you." "I delight in you, and I find my fullness in you", "I trust in you", "God, I thank you for creating both of us the way we are." "Lord, I am open to your life that you promised in fullness", "Lord, I trust in you" and so on.

When contraception is done, many of these unsaid utterances become meaningless. It says "I would accept you completely, except your fertility" "I give myself to you, but not my fertility." "Nothing separates you and me, except this condom." "I cannot become completely one with you, but I still finds pleasure in you". "Let us enjoy the pleasure part, but keep aside our full union." "Lord, thanks for the pleasure, but no life please!" "Lord, why did you attach procreation with sex, causing us much worry, difficulty and expense", "Contraceptives, I trust in you. Don't fail us and drag us either to an abortion, or to bear an unwanted baby!". The life-generating sacrament of the one-flesh union is defiled by the presence of foreign objects or by destroying the life after it is conceived, forbidding the union whose sign it is.

It is said that Christian marriage is not between two person, but rather 3 - God being in the center. In contraception, four things are offended - Creative power of God, Fertility of self, Fertility of the partner, Welcoming attitude towards a new life into one's family. I addition to all this, the one-flesh union is only a parody of what it should have been, and the division it brings moves into the realm of mind and spirit from the body. In their whole life they will try to figure out why there is so much gap between the two, until they repent and turn to the LORD.

Knowing Right & Wrong is Not Enough

As I was having a conversation with Dr. Savina on the Marriage Preparation Course materials, I was reminded of some of the reflections which I had upon the responses to the "hot topic" of Pro-Life during the course. I thought those points make sense in our current discussions.

1. When we convey the teachings of the Church on the sexual morality, it typically confronts opposition or disinterest. It appears that definition of something as as right or wrong does not matter to them.
2. Apparently, only those with firm belief in God are the ones who at least agrees with us and makes a firm decision to practise it.

Why? Take an example of one sin you have given up after coming to know Jesus. Say, bribing a traffic cop. Did we know before that it was wrong? Yes. Then what made us change our mind? It is not certainly the knowledge that it is sin, coz we already knew. Then what made the difference? The experience we had of Jesus Christ made the difference. We experience the real joy of a life in communion with Jesus, we have discovered that He is true, is infinitely good, who rewards our good and bad, takes delight in the good and is offended by the bad, who died our death and so on. You also know that you have become a son/daughter of God, created in his image and likeness, heir to God and co-heir with Jesus Christ, temple of God, co-citizens of the holy ones and a member of the House of God. While the world repeats the mistake of the first parents by trying to test and decide for themselves good and evil, we now understand that the right and wrong is revealed by God alone, and no man can redefine or twist it. From the sum-total of all these do we make a decision to align ourselves to the Will of God and imitate the Son of God in obedience. The world gets deceived by the notion "everyone is doing it, so why can't we? even if a God exists, can he dare to judge against the majority?", but the Word of God reveals to us that though the majority goes through the wide gate, only those who pass by the narrow gate will be enter.

I understand that to make a decision not to bribe need not always come from a person's personal encounter with Jesus. We find several upright non-Christians who obeys the Word of God written in their conscience, and are convinced of the right and wrong. But when it comes to sexual morality, it is very hard. I know for sure because I have been challenged by several people, in my close family & friends' circles to compromise on the matter of contraception for all the right reasons. I can say without any doubt that it was the conviction given by Jesus Christ alone that did not allow me to give in.

At times, even faith in Jesus is not enough. That is evident in the fact that the Church (not the magisterium, but the faithful) is divided in this issue more than any other issue. I can't blame extremely good people not agreeing to the Church teaching. I was given suggestions/advice of doing sterilization/Copper-T etc. and then make a confession (from Charismatic Catholics). But if we manage to explain the original greatness of man by pointing to the beginning (As John Paul does in the Theology of the Body), the effect of sin, and how Jesus restores our dignity and our original greatness, I hope that we can convince at least the believers who has problems with the teaching. I see that superficial mis-information about Church Teachings as dictated "rights and wrongs" as a major obstacle to knowing the truth, the truth that sets us free.

Probably we must speak out - "I follow NFP not because it is the most effective means of Birth Control, but because that is the only means (other than total abstinence) that befits my state as a son of God created in his image & likeness, as a member of the Body of Christ. I opt NFP and a big family not out of fear of judgement, but out of real freedom that came through the redemption of our bodies in Christ Jesus."

"Man must reconcile himself to his natural greatness," declares Pope John Paul II in his book, Love & Responsibility, written while the future Pope was still known as Fr. Karol Wojtyla.

TOB Reflection – Sacramental Image of One Flesh Union

While describing the two accounts of creation in Genesis in the original languages, Pope John Paul II (JP2) points out an interesting observation. When God created human, he is referred to as 'Adam' (created from dust). But when Even was separated, man is referred to as 'ishah' or 'ish' (stands for male) in relation to ishshah ("woman", because she was taken from her man - ish).

Thus the human being whom God created in the beginning became 'male' only when woman (female) was separated from her man (male). Thus in a way we can say that "masculinity" and "femininity" came into existence in the same moment in the human history.

Human being before getting a sexual identity was made to understand by God that he will never be happy in solitude. He needed someone whom he can communicate his love. He did not find any other creature suitable to be his companion. After separating another person from him, he found in Eve someone whom he found as perfect companion with who he can share his image of God, who is similar to him in most respects but with differences that mutually make them complimentary. It was evident from his first words expressing his joy and fulfilment -"Flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone". He found in her his own fulfilment, completion.

"No one has ever seen God. The only Son, God, who is at the Father's side, has revealed him." - John 1:18.

JP2 says - just as Christ revealed the invisible God to us, our body reveals our invisible soul. Sacraments are visible signs of invisible grace. Christ came as a sacrament of God. Likewise, body is the sacrament of soul. Nobody can see my soul (nor mind), but my body alone. But you can to some extend measure the state of my soul looking at how I conduct. When someone sees my body, [s]he knows that I as a whole being is present there.

Thus, what we do with our body is supposed to reflect what goes with our soul. If it's not, then we are not in harmony with our whole being. The Conjugal act of being "One Flesh" is thus supposed to be a total union of the husband and wife, a total self-giving and a total surrender. The pleasure attached with the One Flesh union must also reflect in the joy of accepting each other as a precious gift from God, that echoes "This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh". Thus the one-flesh union is a sacrament of an invisible unity.

TOB Reflection - Conjugal Love

Conjugal love is the love ordained by God to be between a husband and his wife. It is a love that binds them to an exclusive relationship that they are supposed to give total fidelity till the death of one of the partners. This love mirrors the self-less and total self-giving love between God the Father and Jesus His Son. Just as Jesus (God's Word) was born before eternity from the Father, God gave shape to the Woman from the bone of Man's rib. Adam expressed his love through these words from the bottom of his heart (Gen 2:23-24) -

23 the man said: "This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; This one shall be called 'woman,' for out of 'her man' this one has been taken."
24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body.

The Father loves the Son entirely and gives Himself entirely to the Son. The Son loves the Father and gives Himself entirely to the Father, and submits Himself to the Father. From their total self giving love the Third Person, the Holy Spirit proceeds. These Three Persons form a Total Communion of Love - the Holy Trinity, Three Persons, One God.

We see God preparing Himself to create man. (Gen 1:26-27)

26 Then God said: "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. Let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and the cattle, and over all the wild animals and all the creatures that crawl on the ground."
27 God created man in his image; in the divine image he created him; male and female he created them.
28 God blessed them, saying: "Be fertile and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it. Have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and all the living things that move on the earth."

We see that creating main in God's image has a lot to do with creating them as male and female (They are but in one verse). The image of the Holy Trinity can be clearly found in the God's dream of human family.

TOB Reflection - Conjugal Spirituality & Sexual Morality

One of the greatest resources we can ever avail of on marriage, celibacy and marital spirituality in the journey towards heaven is said to be John Paul II's great work "Theology of the Body" (http://www.ewtn.com/library/papaldoc/jp2tbind.htm) For those who wish to have an off-line copy of the same, do write to me.

It is impossible to understand the morality on the subjects like Abortion, Contraception, Divorce, Homosexuality, Adultery, Masturbation etc. if we do not understand what sexuality is in the eternal plan of God. I hope our discussion in this subject will help all of us to understand this aspect, on the basis of which the moral issues which we are discussing can be explained.

Very often when I engage in discussions with my friends on abortion, contraception etc., I find it extremely difficult to make my point if I do not touch upon of God and his design. It is true, that to accept and understand ourselves, one must be ready to open up his/her heart to accept our Creator and His ways. It is not surprising, as the Word of God suggests!

Matthew 19:3-14 says (http://www.nccbuscc.org/nab/bible/matthew/matthew19.htm)
3 Some Pharisees approached him, and tested him, saying, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause whatever?"
4 He said in reply, "Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female'
5 and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?
6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate."
7 They said to him, "Then why did Moses command that the man give the woman a bill of divorce and dismiss (her)?"
8 He said to them, "Because of the hardness of your hearts Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
9 I say to you, whoever divorces his wife (unless the marriage is unlawful) and marries another commits adultery."
10 [His] disciples said to him, "If that is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry."
11 He answered, "Not all can accept [this] word, but only those to whom that is granted.
12 Some are incapable of marriage because they were born so; some, because they were made so by others; some, because they have renounced marriage for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Whoever can accept this ought to accept it."
13 Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked them,
14 but Jesus said, "Let the children come to me, and do not prevent them; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

So, we should not be surprised that not all can accept His word, but only those to whom that is granted. Let us try to learn from God like children, for the mysteries of the Kingdom are revealed to them. Let us pray that we may become like little children.

Sin, Righteousness and Condemnation - Part 2

(See Part 1)

If my article inspires at least one person to approach God with confidence in spite of all unworthiness and sinfulness, I would regard that this mission of mine is fruitful.

The final words of a leader, a prophet or a saint are considered precious by the followers and those who regard him, and thus carry special significance. Though every single Word uttered by Jesus were precious, inspired and inspiring, the last things that he did were of very high importance. For example, He cried out to the Father commending His spirit unto Him. Similarly, the mutual entrusting of His mother (the woman) and the disciple whom he loved most, forgiveness offered to those who persecuted and mocked at Him etc. etc. So also is the final discourse that he gave to the disciples during the Passover meal.

It is very much noticeable that it was the first time we see in the Scriptures where Jesus spent so much time talking about the Holy Spirit and the way He was going to guide the Church. The promise of the Spirit was given not with any reservations, since Jesus knew and clearly foretold that a few moments from then that he was going to be betrayed, handed over, left alone and denied by the disciples. Instead, the Spirit was promised based on the infinite merits He himself earned for them (and us) being born as a man in flesh like us, endured temptations as we do (well, in its highest form), and living a life pleasing His Father in perfect and uncompromising obedience that even cost him his own life, offering it as a perfect sacrifice in atonement of all the sins of the entire mankind.

Point 1: The Holy Spirit was promised to the disciples at a time when they were not so strong in faith; rather, they were to receive strength and power through faith once they would receive the same Spirit (Acts 1:8). So don't worry if you are stumbling often in the walk with God. The promise of the Spirit is still with you as long as you are a disciple (a person who has made a choice / decision to answer to His call, to be disciplined, trained and enabled by the Master). Your discipline is not going to earn you the Spirit, but the Spirit who has been given to you will enable you to become his perfect disciple.

When I first read the passage of our discussion (John 16:7-13), I was a little surprised about the 3 things that the Spirit would convict the world of - Sin, Righteousness and Condemnation. Well, what's so big deal about these 3 things? Aren't they obvious? I thought I had already known well about these subjects. But being a neophyte, recently converted into this new faith from a totally different background, I knew one thing then; that there are so many things beyond my understanding. All those first 20 odd years of my life, I lived in total ignorance about God. It had never seemed obvious to me that someone like God ever existed. Then on one fine evening in the premises of St. George's Cathederal sitting with my classmate, I saw with fearful surprise that my friend is talking to Jesus in plain coloquial Malayalam language, as casually as he talks with me, with hardly any doubt that he is being heard. He was interceding for me, and I could experience the consoling presence of God who was lifting the burden gradually from my heavy laden heart. Weeks later, I was hearing more and more about this Jesus Christ from a few of my friends who too have experienced the manifest presence and power of Jesus, even through physical and mental healing. Again later, CAMPUS MEET '96 helped me walk a few steps ahead. And I cannot forget that evening when 3 of us were praying together in the class room Vimalagiri school when I received the baptism of the Holy Spirit. Now I knew that I am just at the doorstep of a whole new and exciting world of which I had very little idea.

Thus, I was sure that there must be a lot of misconceptions I had (and the world has) about the above mentioned 3 things, which can be cleared only in the light of the wisdom that God grants through the Spirit. God gave me a thirst to explore the truth with all my strength right in the beginning of my walk with the him. "Seek, and you shall find...", I was certain that so will be it. If God is ready to reveal himself, then will he not be ready to share his wisdom? more so when he has encouraged us to seek him, his kingdom and his righteousness? So this thirst made me read the Bible, which I think I could read entirely in the span of a few months, along with a few wonderful books that helped me a lot to get me familiar with the exciting truths of this new world, which I came to know as being called "the Kingdom of God". It took me several years to understand what I am attempting to comment on, about the above 3 things; and I know that my understanding is very small. This is a humble attempt, and I hope to do so gradually in the upcoming mails, as and when the time permits. I invite all of you to read these, benefit from them if they are from God, correct them whenever it is from my ignorance or pride. I am sure that if not others, at least I will be benefited from this exercise. I hope to research on this more than ever before.

- To be Continued

Sin, Righteousness and Condemnation

As we read in John 16, Jesus tells the disciples in His discourse on the eve of the Passover:

7. But I tell you the truth, it is better for you that I go. For if I do not go, the Advocate will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you.
8. And when he comes he will convict the world in regard to sin and righteousness and condemnation:
9. sin, because they do not believe in me;
10. righteousness, because I am going to the Father and you will no longer see me;
11. condemnation, because the ruler of this world has been condemned.
12. "I have much more to tell you, but you cannot bear it now.
13. But when he comes, the Spirit of truth, he will guide you to all truth. He will not speak on his own, but he will speak what he hears, and will declare to you the things that are coming.

I have always wanted to write about these verses, coz not only that I've always drawn inspirations from them, but also got a few insights, which so far have been deep within me in an unorganized manner. My effort with this attempt to pen them down is to bring the unorganized into an organized one. May God's Spirit guide me, for in the beginning God uttered His Word, and the order was established in the previously orderless world.

My personal God experience began around 12 years back. It was marked by a radical conversion and a total transformation. When I look back, I always envy myself for the abundant grace I was showered upon, to overcome the challenges I had to face in my initial years. When I see myself off-late struggling hard even on the basic things of personal renewal, I once again long to go through a radical conversion and transformation.

With my experience regarding sin and grace, God has taught me a lot over these years. Those were really tough lessons though. When I read the Word of God - the Mirror that can show our true image, as St. James put - I see my ugly face (made ugly due to sin) getting beautiful and bright when the divine cosmetic - grace - is applied.

I know that I am not presenting anything new to those who have experienced God in the variety of unique ways that God alone can think and comprehend of. For it's an eternal truth that we are experiencing salvation by grace, received through faith, and expressed in good works. But it's still awe-inspiring every moment, and never ceases to marvel the ones who seek God's mysterious ways. How can a man who trod a long way into the path of sin be able to stand in the righteousness of God without walking the entire way back home? But it's still true, for the ways and measures of God are totally different from those of man, as we read in the book of Isaiah 55.

6. Seek the LORD while he may be found, call him while he is near.
7. Let the scoundrel forsake his way, and the wicked man his thoughts; Let him turn to the LORD for mercy; to our God, who is generous in forgiving.
8. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways, says the LORD.
9. As high as the heavens are above the earth, so high are my ways above your ways and my thoughts above your thoughts.

- To be Continued

On Sharing My Faith

I generally have a tendency to shy away from the responsibility of sharing my faith with my friends. The reasons, or rather, excuses are quite usual – They may feel that I am trying to convert them, or, their impression about me may be lost, they may think that I am offending their sentiments. I always wonder what the right thing I must start with is.

There have been occasions when I was involved in discussion with a (secular) set of friends on some burning issue, say sexual morality, and some of them completely disagree with my views. Now whatever argument I put forward to them, either they have a counter-argument, or they simply disagree. Most of the time it boils down to the same question - "Who decides/defines what is right and wrong?"

Have you ever been in such a situation? If so, I don’t know how you must have handled the situation. But I have mixed success in conveying my views. I notice one thing in general. Without bringing God into any discussion on moral issues, the arguments look weak and empty according to me. Had there been no God, many things I consider illegitimate today could be considered legitimate, and many values I stand for would be absolutely foolish. And it's very difficult to prove to an atheist that God exists, no matter how logical my attempt is in putting my views.

I used to wonder why is it that God who is so real and present to me is a matter of foolishness for others. Well the answer is very clear. Even I did not come to faith because I heard someone explaining about God logically (though today I realize that all logic applied objectively and in unbiased manner proves the existence of God). Yeah… I have heard people sharing about God, and his unfathomable and unconditional love. I have heard them sharing their testimonies of how God shows his providence in their daily life. I have witnessed the power of God working through them, when the cancers and AIDS get healed, blind people see, the deaf ones hear, and the lame walk. Their sharings and witnessing life have invited me to try this faith myself, when I could myself truly experience that awesome love that transformed my whole life. I have experienced the hand of God working on me for the past 11 years. Instead of sharing experiences, if they had tried to convince me with logical conclusions, I don’t think I could have ever experienced God and his love.

So… it requires experience to believe in God. And one can experience God only when He reveals himself to him or her. Bible says – "Because he is found by those who test him not, and he manifests himself to those who do not disbelieve him." (Wisdom 1:2)

What makes someone seek God? Well, every man experiences in his soul, a deep craving for God. He can sense it, but may not understand what this craving is for, or may not acknowledge it. It usually happens that the soul is unable to find God, and his pride may tend to give up this search after some time. Pride works, saying – "I will not accept anyone or any idea which I could not experience in my whole life." A theist (a person who believes that God exists) may not necessarily have experienced God. If his soul manages to triumph over pride, and accepts that there could be many things that is beyond its understanding, and hopes that the One whom it craves for really exists. And when it ultimately experiences God personally and intimately, faith is built up on the experience, and not on logical explanations.

The state of a soul that has not experienced God is like a man who is shut in a big dark room for years, and craves for freedom. One day he hears someone shouting from outside the room that the door is unlocked and it opens to outside world where he will find freedom and light. He is filled with hope, but he suddenly experieces the presence of a tall dark creature beside him, saying that the messenger is trying to fool him, and it’s better not to reach to the door and try to open it, for the fear of disappointment.

Here, the captive man is the soul of the person, the dark creature is his pride, and the messenger is a person who had experienced God and shares his testimony with him. The soul will be naturally drawn to God and respond to Him. To reach to the door of faith and to open it, one has to defeat his pride. But it is always wise according to me, to do so by hope, even if you are not so sure whether the door will open. For you have nothing to lose. If the door will not open, you may get disappointed, that’s all. Nothing worse will happen, and you are losing nothing. But if it does open, you have used your only option to see freedom and light.

Paul says in the letter to Romans chapter 8

19. For creation awaits with eager expectation the revelation of the children of God;
20. for creation was made subject to futility, not of its own accord but because of the one who subjected it, in hope
21. that creation itself would be set free from slavery to corruption and share in the glorious freedom of the children of God.
22. We know that all creation is groaning in labor pains even until now;
23. and not only that, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, we also groan within ourselves as we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies.

So, what God has taught me is very simple:- Don't spend too much time in arguments with my friends. I must trust in God and use words of wisdom whenever required, but that's not enough. I must share my experience of Jesus with them and invite them to experience the same. I must pray fervently for them so that God may open the doors of opportunities in their life where they become more receptive to the Word of God and welcome him into their lives.

Thus faith comes from what is heard, and what is heard comes through the word of Christ. (Romans 10:17)

My dear friend, in Jesus' never-failing name I invite you his beautiful kingdom, and I can assure you that you will not get disappointed. He is the answer to all our needs - spiritual, psychological, physical, material. He is a loving Father, who sent His only begotten son Jesus Christ into this world to wash our sins with his precious blood, so that we may be worthy to enter the Kingdom of God, where we will live forever. I know what I am saying, if you are feeling right now how crazy I am. He is the One whom your soul craves for. He knows the deepest desires of your heart. He is Love Unlimited, and for a seeking heart, He is just a simple prayer away.

For the scripture says, "No one who believes in him will be put to shame." (Romans 10:11)

God bless you!!!

Not only to Forgive, but to LOVE

It is easy to preach, but not so to practise. It demands a good deal of courage and perseverance. And it's possible only through the GRACE of God. If you think you can do it without grace and assistance of God's Spirit, you are wrong!!!

Wondering what I am talking about? It's on FORGIVENESS.

I have been struggling hard to come to terms with the fact that some party who owes me a huge amount of money seems to be trying all the means to avoid paying it back to me. Of course, they have their own justification for doing so. There were couple of things that were troubling me.

1. The loss of money itself, which is a huge amount to me. Well, apart from my salary, I do not have any other means of income or have a strong financial background. But I managed to mentally write off the money. Also my wife, who shares this loss equally with me by all sense, suggested me to forget the money, and not to worry about it. Thankfully, my wife and I are not so obsessed with money. All glory to God alone.
2. The thought that I am cheated really haunted me. I gave them my best, but not only that I am not getting the same in return, but also that I am treated as an offender against them.
3. Though I decided many times to forgive them, it was very difficult. There is lot of anger and bitterness towards them.

For a practising Christian, the guideline is very clear. Forgiveness. See Matthew 6.

14. If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you.
15. But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your transgressions.

There is no option for me but to forgive them, coz I know my transgressions are too many to be counted, yet I am forgiven of all of them. The importance of forgiveness is evident from the fact that it is mentioned in the greatest prayer that's taught by Jesus himself. (Matthew 6 again)

9. "This is how you are to pray: Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,
10. your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as in heaven.
11. Give us today our daily bread;
12. and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors;
13. and do not subject us to the final test, but deliver us from the evil one.

I know all this. But why am I struggling so hard to practise forgiveness. Tonight, as I was praying & reflecting, I got the answer!!! It's in the words of Jesus in Matthew 5.

38. "You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.'
39. But I say to you, offer no resistance to one who is evil. When someone strikes you on (your) right cheek, turn the other one to him as well.
40. If anyone wants to go to law with you over your tunic, hand him your cloak as well.
41. Should anyone press you into service for one mile, go with him for two miles.
42. Give to the one who asks of you, and do not turn your back on one who wants to borrow.
43. "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.'
44. But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you,
45. that you may be children of your heavenly Father, for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust.
46. For if you love those who love you, what recompense will you have? Do not the tax collectors do the same?
47. And if you greet your brothers only, what is unusual about that? Do not the pagans do the same?
48. So be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect.

"Love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you!!!" That's the key!! I was able to write off the money. But the thought that I am cheated was so strong that I was not able to love them. To know that I need to forgive, and to actually forgive - it'is different. If I do not love a person who offended me, I have not forgiven him. Even though I took time to pray for them, what prayer is it if it is without love?

Tonight, as I was praying, with my eyes opened, lying down on bed, I invited the presence of God. I slowly said the prayer - "Sweet Sacred Heart of Jesus, be my love... "

Yes, I wanted Jesus to be my first love. I began to experience His love, and was being filled with His love. Then I offered my struggle before him. He was filling me with so much love, that I could not help loving all of them. I could experience the difference in me. And soon I remembered the above Bible verse regarding love. I could not stop myself, but wanted to share this experience to you, my dear reader. I started composing this posting at 1:40 in the night, and it's 3:30 now. Ya, I take lot of time in writing...

I know I spent only a few moments with the Lord tonight. And for the process of forgiveness and healing will take time. But I am glad that it will happen soon. Praise Jesus!!!

Another thing I learned - It's my pride working when I am expecting that they are not going to pay me up; or, when I think that others are not as good as I am. Personally, they may be far better than me. So now I am learning to accept that they are good, and some day they will pay up my money. So.. what's wrong in loving or forgiving someone, whom tomorrow I may come to know as far better than I am. Let God decide who is good and who is bad, and my job is to receive forgiveness and love from God, and to forgive and love my neighbour.

Undoubtedly, His love is unlimited!!!!

God's Smile

My younger son Joshua is now almost 5 months old. One of the most noticeable thing about him is - you can immediately say if you have ever spent some time with him - that he is a smiling beauty. He smiles at anyone and everyone. To me he gives some of the most delightful moments with his cute innocent smile, that often conveys a lot of things - Love, Expectation, Innocence, Peace, Joy, Holiness.....

At times I tell Neethu - "Look, this is how God smiles! Of course, His smile must be even more beautiful; for He is the most innocent, most loving, the seat of all righteousness, peace and joy."

Jesus took delight in little infants. Scriptures depict the beautiful incident when He praised the Father for hiding the wisdom of His Kingdom from the wise and the learned, and instead revealing it to children.

And the Kingdom of God is... Righteousness, Peace and Joy in the Holy Spirit. And that's why we find it difficult to smile like Joshua does.

On the Feast of Corpus Christi (ZENIT)

Pontifical Household Preacher Comments on Sunday's Readings

ROME, JUNE 9, 2007 (Zenit) - Here is a translation of a commentary by the Pontifical Household preacher, Capuchin Father Raniero Cantalamessa, on the readings from this Sunday's liturgy.

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Do This in Memory of Me
Solemnity of the Most Holy Body and Blood of Christ
Genesis 14:18-20; 1 Corinthians 11:23-26; Luke 9:11b-17

In the second reading of this feast, St. Paul presents us with the most ancient account we have of the institution of the Eucharist, written no more than about 20 years after the fact. Let us try to find something new in the Eucharistic mystery, using the concept of memorial: "Do this in memory of me."

Memory is one of the most mysterious and greatest powers of the human spirit. Everything seen, heard and done from early childhood is conserved in this immense womb, ready to reawaken and to dance into the light either by an external stimulus or by our own will.

Without memory we will cease to be ourselves, we will lose our identity. Those who are struck by total amnesia, wander lost on the streets, without knowing their own name or where they live.

A memory, once it has come to mind, has the power to catalyze our whole interior world and route everything toward its object, especially if this is not a thing or a fact, but a living person.

When a mother remembers her child, who was born a few days ago and is left at home, everything inside her flies toward her baby, a movement of tenderness rises from her maternal depths and perhaps brings tears to her eyes.

Not just the individual has memory; human groups -- family, tribe, nation -- also have a collective memory. The wealth of a people is not so much measured by the reserves of gold it holds in its vaults, but rather by how many memories it holds in its collective consciousness. It is the sharing of many memories that cements the unity of a group. To keep such memories alive, they are linked to a place, to a holiday.

Americans have Memorial Day, the day in which they remember those who fell in all the wars; the Indians have the Gandhi Memorial, a green park in New Delhi that is supposed to remind the nation who he was and what he did. We Italians also have our memorials: The civil holidays recall the most important events in our recent history, and streets, piazzas and airports are dedicated to our most eminent people.

This very rich human background in regard to memory should help us better understand what the Eucharist is for the Christian people. It is a memorial because it recalls the event to which all of humanity now owes its existence as redeemed humanity: the death of the Lord.

But the Eucharist has something that distinguishes it from every other memorial. It is memorial and presence together, even if hidden under the signs of bread and wine. Memorial Day cannot bring those who have fallen back to life; the Gandhi Memorial cannot make Gandhi alive again. In a sense, the Eucharistic memorial, however, according to the faith of Christians, does do this in regard to Christ.

But together with all the beautiful things that we have said about memory, we must mention a danger that is inherent to it. Memory can be easily transformed into sterile and paralyzing nostalgia. This happens when a person becomes the prisoner of his own memories and ends up living in the past.

Indeed, the Eucharistic memorial does not pertain to this type of memory. On the contrary, it projects us forward; after the consecration the people say: "We proclaim your death, O Lord, and confess your resurrection, until you come." (In the Lain Rite)

An antiphon attributed to St. Thomas Aquinas ("O sacrum convivium") defines the Eucharist as the sacred feast in which "Christ is received, the memory of his passion is celebrated, the soul is filled with grace, and we are given the pledge of future glory."

Discussion on Penance - JOYnet Posting

Q. What exactly is penance? Why should we do it? Actually I was never aware of the requirement of doing penance. When I was small (8-9 standard in school) I used to do small penances like sacrificing some food, subjecting myself to small physical pains. etc..

But when I grew up and came to JY some how I got an idea it is not correct and we should not do it. Because christ has died for all my sins - for all that I have done and those I am yet to do. He has paid the price for me.

But these days when I am reading about many saints I see that all of them has done a lot of penances. Also the church asks us to do some penance on fridays. Also during the sacrement of confession the priest asks us to do some penance. But why should we pay the price of our sins if christ has already paid it in full. Is it our participation in the salvation process?

Can someone throw some light to this? Can you tell me what the church teaches about it?

A.

A very good teaching on penance by His Holiness Pope John XXIII is found here.

1. What is penance?

Penance is the practical expression of our repentance and the will to confirm to the Holy will of God.

Penance is generally expressed in the following ways.
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CATECHISM OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH (1424 - '39)

V. THE MANY FORMS OF PENANCE IN CHRISTIAN LIFE

1434 The interior penance of the Christian can be expressed in many and various ways. Scripture and the Fathers insist above all on three forms, fasting, prayer, and almsgiving, which express conversion in relation to oneself, to God, and to others. Alongside the radical purification brought about by Baptism or martyrdom they cite as means of obtaining forgiveness of sins: effort at reconciliation with one's neighbor, tears of repentance, concern for the salvation of one's neighbor, the intercession of the saints, and the practice of charity "which covers a multitude of sins."

1435 Conversion is accomplished in daily life by gestures of reconciliation, concern for the poor, the exercise and defense of justice and right, by the admission of faults to one's brethren, fraternal correction, revision of life, examination of conscience, spiritual direction, acceptance of suffering, endurance of persecution for the sake of righteousness. Taking up one's cross each day and following Jesus is the surest way of penance.

1436 Eucharist and Penance. Daily conversion and penance find their source and nourishment in the Eucharist, for in it is made present the sacrifice of Christ which has reconciled us with God. Through the Eucharist those who live from the life of Christ are fed and strengthened. "It is a remedy to free us from our daily faults and to preserve us from mortal sins."

1437 Reading Sacred Scripture, praying the Liturgy of the Hours and the Our Father - every sincere act of worship or devotion revives the spirit of conversion and repentance within us and contributes to the forgiveness of our sins.

1438 The seasons and days of penance in the course of the liturgical year (Lent, and each Friday in memory of the death of the Lord) are intense moments of the Church's penitential practice. These times are particularly appropriate for spiritual exercises, penitential liturgies, pilgrimages as signs of penance, voluntary self-denial such as fasting and almsgiving, and fraternal sharing (charitable and missionary works).

1439 The process of conversion and repentance was described by Jesus in the parable of the prodigal son, the center of which is the merciful father: the fascination of illusory freedom, the abandonment of the father's house; the extreme misery in which the son finds himself after squandering his fortune; his deep humiliation at finding himself obliged to feed swine, and still worse, at wanting to feed on the husks the pigs ate; his reflection on all he has lost; his repentance and decision to declare himself guilty before his father; the journey back; the father's generous welcome; the father's joy - all these are characteristic of the process of conversion. The beautiful robe, the ring, and the festive banquet are symbols of that new life - pure worthy, and joyful - of anyone who returns to God and to the bosom of his family, which is the Church. Only the heart Of Christ Who knows the depths of his Father's love could reveal to us the abyss of his mercy in so simple and beautiful a way.
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2. Why should we do it?

We frail human beings cannot do atonement for our sins ourselves. We have no other option but to believe in the One Sacrifice that Jesus Christ did for us. So our penance cannot save us. But doing penance, we can repair the damages caused by our sin (of owr on soul, of a neighbour who is affected) and Jesus expects us to do it. Remember what happenned when Zacchaeus decides to do penance.

(Luke 19:5-9)

5 When he reached the place, Jesus looked up and said to him, "Zacchaeus, come down quickly, for today I must stay at your house."

6 And he came down quickly and received him with joy.

7 When they all saw this, they began to grumble, saying, "He has gone to stay at the house of a sinner."

8 But Zacchaeus stood there and said to the Lord, "Behold, half of my possessions, Lord, I shall give to the poor, and if I have extorted anything from anyone I shall repay it four times over."

9 And Jesus said to him, "Today salvation has come to this house because this man too is a descendant of Abraham.
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CATECHISM OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH (1459 - '60)

Satisfaction

1459 Many sins wrong our neighbor. One must do what is possible in order to repair the harm (e.g., return stolen goods, restore the reputation of someone slandered, pay compensation for injuries). Simple justice requires as much. But sin also injures and weakens the sinner himself, as well as his relationships with God and neighbor. Absolution takes away sin, but it does not remedy all the disorders sin has caused. Raised up from sin, the sinner must still recover his full spiritual health by doing something more to make amends for the sin: he must "make satisfaction for" or "expiate" his sins. This satisfaction is also called "penance."

1460 The penance the confessor imposes must take into account the penitent's personal situation and must seek his spiritual good. It must correspond as far as possible with the gravity and nature of the sins committed. It can consist of prayer, an offering, works of mercy, service of neighbor, voluntary self-denial, sacrifices, and above all the patient acceptance of the cross we must bear. Such penances help configure us to Christ, who alone expiated our sins once for all. They allow us to become co-heirs with the risen Christ, "provided we suffer with him."

The satisfaction that we make for our sins, however, is not so much ours as though it were not done through Jesus Christ. We who can do nothing ourselves, as if just by ourselves, can do all things with the cooperation of "him who strengthens" us. Thus man has nothing of which to boast, but all our boasting is in Christ... in whom we make satisfaction by bringing forth "fruits that befit repentance." These fruits have their efficacy from him, by him they are offered to the Father, and through him they are accepted by the Father.
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Many non-Catholic brethren have objection with this doctrine. But see, this is quite Scriptural. We see Jesus doing penance in the wilderness. It was not for His own sake, but for our sins and also to show us an example.

By following the desires of the flesh, we forget the well-being of our spirit. It is quite justified that we control the passions of the body and keep the body subject to the spirit, which is in turn subject to the Spirit of God. See Galationa 5

16 I say, then: live by the Spirit and you will certainly not gratify the desire of the flesh.

17 For the flesh has desires against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; these are opposed to each other, so that you may not do what you want.

18 But if you are guided by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

...... fruits of body and spirit explained .......

24 Now those who belong to Christ (Jesus) have crucified their flesh with its passions and desires.

For those who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. (Rom 8:4)

Well I once again request you to read His Holiness Pope John XXIII's Encyclical. It contains so many Scriptural references.