As we read from the theology of the body, body is a visible sign of our invisible soul, and as such what we do with our body must image our inner self's character. In the book I read sometime in 2002 - "Love, Sex and the Catholic Church" (available at St. Paul's) the author talks about the "language of the body". Let me give you an example. When I kiss my 1-year old son on his forehead, it communicates something to him "I love you my son. You are so dear to me!" When I hug him tightly, I give him assurance that my loving hands will be always there to protect him. Though he does not understand what I speak, still he clearly shows the sign that he is able to understand my gestures. My soul or mind are not capable of expressing myself to him what my body and its actions could. These are honest expressions from me. There are several bodily gestures that we do in a similar way which mean or talk something. So, when we shake hands with some one, show thumbs up, say good morning, wink, we are saying something. Now it is possible to hug someone, but at the same time wish ill for him/her in our mind. This is where a conflict occurs between what we communicate and what is inside, or rather, a conflict between our body and mind, body and soul or between mind and soul. Here, we are not true to ourselves, and to the person to whom we communicate.
Conjugal union has a language. It is a communication. It is a dialogue. It images the union of Christ with the Church. It images the union of the trinity. Here the couple places themselves to the complete trust in God, which images Mary's surrender to God - "Here I am your maid servant. Be it unto me according to your will". It is an expression of total self-giving to the other as well as the total acceptance of the other. Giving just as one is, and accepting just as the other is. This union is a creative and life-generating one. This is life-generating even when one (or both) partner is barren or sterile due to any physical illness or nature, since the union that it images is life-generating. Just as the Holy Spirit is generated from the mutual love between the Father and the Son, conjugal union that images mutual surrender & acceptance always brings life into the lives of both the partners. The physical life (offspring) generation is no less meant to be a Sacrament of this "life received in abundance".
Now, I am entering into the next aspect our topic - "Birth Control". I will share my views on the morality of Birth Control as a whole later. But one category of Birth Control is called "Contraception". Why I made this distinction was because it means "against conception", and birth control need not necessarily be an action 'against conception'.
So conjugal love - if it is honest - should speak many things. "Here's the flesh of my flesh, and the bone of my bone." "I love you and accept you just as you are, completely", "I give myself entirely to you, and accept me just as I am, with all my good and bad, strength and weaknesses", "Here I am. There is nothing hidden from you. There is nothing that separates us." "I share my joy of being one with you." "I delight in you, and I find my fullness in you", "I trust in you", "God, I thank you for creating both of us the way we are." "Lord, I am open to your life that you promised in fullness", "Lord, I trust in you" and so on.
When contraception is done, many of these unsaid utterances become meaningless. It says "I would accept you completely, except your fertility" "I give myself to you, but not my fertility." "Nothing separates you and me, except this condom." "I cannot become completely one with you, but I still finds pleasure in you". "Let us enjoy the pleasure part, but keep aside our full union." "Lord, thanks for the pleasure, but no life please!" "Lord, why did you attach procreation with sex, causing us much worry, difficulty and expense", "Contraceptives, I trust in you. Don't fail us and drag us either to an abortion, or to bear an unwanted baby!". The life-generating sacrament of the one-flesh union is defiled by the presence of foreign objects or by destroying the life after it is conceived, forbidding the union whose sign it is.
It is said that Christian marriage is not between two person, but rather 3 - God being in the center. In contraception, four things are offended - Creative power of God, Fertility of self, Fertility of the partner, Welcoming attitude towards a new life into one's family. I addition to all this, the one-flesh union is only a parody of what it should have been, and the division it brings moves into the realm of mind and spirit from the body. In their whole life they will try to figure out why there is so much gap between the two, until they repent and turn to the LORD.
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