"Are you so busy in life, that you missed the UNLIMITED LOVE, that came searching for you?"

Saturday 23 October, 2010

Just Missed!!!

Dear all,

While the Jubilee excitement is in the air, I missed by a day something that is of great importance to me.

It was on 21st October 1996, the last day of Campus Meet '96 at Nirmala College (Muvattupuzha, Kareala), that I first ever made an act of commitment to the LORD. I was not sure what I was doing, I had never had any plans to do such a thing before coming there. The last day last session was led by Manoj Sunny chettan, who talked about Jesus Youth movement, its Catholic roots, Charismatic spirituality etc. Many of the things I did not understand. But when he asked us on the previous day (20th) to write on a piece of paper the names of those who hurt me and whom I need to forgive, I did so, and I was a bit surprised when we were asked to surrender those people to the Lord and tear the paper down. But with the 3 grace-filled days, I was really responding positively to the sessions, and I honestly and earnestly obeyed. On the final day (21st), Manojettan asked us to write down a few decisions that we all want to take. I think I made a decision to surrender my life to the LORD and to be faithful to Him. And I asked Him the grace to keep the commitments, because I knew I didn't have a strong will power.

(I heard after the programme from some leaders that that programme was not as fruitful as it was expected. I don't know all those things. What I know is that the LORD touched me and blessed me through it. Praise Jesus!!)

So, it's 14th anniversary just passed after making my first commitment to the LORD. In Biblical terms, 2 Sabbath Years have gone by. It is inviting me to thank, introspect, correct, hope and march ahead along with the cloud of witnesses around me, many of those belonging to Jesus Youth movement. Say one prayer for me as you read this.

Happy Jubilee!!

Thursday 21 October, 2010

Lessons Learnt while Helping the Choir

Dear all,

Being a shy person by nature and with a lot of stage-fright, it was only out of sheer need that I started becoming a part of the Music Ministry in Jesus Youth Mumbai, sometime from year 2003. Stage fright is to a little measure still there with me, but I could really see myself experiencing a tremendous healing in this area, especially when I go out on stage to sing. I shared this to encourage people who strongly feel that this is your ministry, but have lots of fear in mind.

Now I am back with something to share with you on the lessons I learnt over these years while helping in the Music Ministry. As I said about the "Mass lessons" this too is a reflection on my experience, and I am not presenting this as general rules.

  • I am part of something larger than my talent / aspirations / ambitions / glory etc. etc.I've heard that when a Eucharist is celebrated, the whole heavens come down around the altar to watch the awe-inspiring mysteries of the Trinity, Incarnation, [Birth, Life, Passion, Death & Resurrection of Jesus Christ], Redemption, Transubstantiation and so on. In a smaller measure though, something similar happens during Eucharistic Adoration, Bible Proclamation, further down to Praise & Worship / Rosary etc. Nobody attending the service has come to listen to 'my voice', but my voice can be instrumental in lifting their hearts to God and His mighty presence along with the heavenly hosts.
  • I am there to support the Liturgy or the specific ministry such as Word of God sharing, Praise & Worship etc.
    In the case of Mass, what I can do best is to choose the songs that suits to the theme of the Bible Readings and the Homily. I find that the Priests truly admire our effort to complement their job of putting a message across to the people of God. I might have better songs in my kitty, but they might have nothing to do with the day's theme. The same is the case when someone else is leading the Adoration, Praise & Worship etc. The beauty of the service doubles when everyone gives their best "in one accord".
  • I am there to lead the people of God to greater intimacy with the LORD
    To the extent possible, I must avoid singing songs that very few or no one in the congregation knows. I must realize that majority of the congregation wants to join with us in singing. Of course there are occasions where this can be violated, for example during moments of intense worship, and only one or two lines are sung in repetition. But for most of the time, if we cannot teach the song to the congregation in advance, it will end up leading people to distraction.
  • I must not be a distraction
    If I attempt fancy things to get noticed and appreciated, even if that goes extremely well there is a chance of I distracting the congregation. I must pray hard for the anointing so that when I sing they must lift up their eyes and ears to Jesus, and not down to me.
  • When I prepare in prayer for the service, I must pray for the entire service, and not just for my role.
    This has happened with me several times. I prepare for the Adoration & Healing Service part where I am supposed to sing. But the service also includes Mass, Novena, Confession, Counseling etc. Our prayers must be to bring people to the experience of God's love, repentance, healing and deliverance. When I am praying for the people to be touched by God only when I sing, I forget the Power of the Mass, Power of the Intercession of the Saint whose the Novena is and so on; and I also forget the need to pray for the Priest, the Altar Ministers, other Choir members, the Congregation as a whole etc. and even the Priest who sit for Confession and the Elders who sit for counseling. It's the ministry of the Church, not just mine.
  • I must know my sinfulness as well as the willingness of God to work through me
    I think it is self-explanatory. I should not forget what I am. But I should also remember that He is a generous Daddy who wants us to take part in His work. Jesus said to the disciples before He multiplied the loaves & fish - "There is no need for them to go away; give them some food yourselves." (Mat 14:16 http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/matthew/matthew14.htm). Trust in His Words and serve Him, for multitudes will be fed through you

A Jubilee Decision

In this Jubilee Year, I am making a decision very special to me. My patron saint is St. Martin de Porres (http://magnificat.ca/cal/engl/11-03.htm). His story is worth said, that can move the heart of the hardest nature. I am known by my saint's name only in my Mulund circles only, where I got baptized in the year 2002. It sometimes pricks my conscience that even I remember him very rarely. But in these days of real blessings of the Jubilee, I have decided to remind myself and others that I am born again as "Martin", with great deal of his intercession, and above all the intercession of Mary our mother. I will be glad if anyone starts addressing me as Martin. I am sure that if someone calls me Martin when I am in the state of sin, that itself would make me run to the confessional.

The biggest detail I've ever got about St Martin was a book I read on him which is not more than 100 pages. But as I read it sometime in 1999, I knew that he is going to be my patron saint if I ever get baptized. One small book was enough to build a strong bond between us!! I received baptism on 8th September 2002 (solemnity of the Nativity of Blessed Virgin Mary, and also a Sunday), an on the same year I received my first Sacrament of Penance, First Holy Communion and Holy Confirmation. Our Bishop was coming on November 10th to give the First Holy Communion and Confirmation to the children. Since I was receiving both, Fr. Joju the parish priest said that Confirmation is generally given after Communion. But in the Solemn Celebration, Communion is at the last and Confirmation is in the middle. Since I am receiving both, I was advised to receive Communion in the previous Sunday itself. That was November 3rd 2002 Sunday, which was also the Feast of St. Martin de Porres!!!! Praise God!

Before I disclosed that I wanted to have my name as Martin, some of my prayer group members got a message that Martin is the name shown to them. That was a joyful confirmation.

This is thus my first mail with the changed signature, through which I want to proclaim to myself and to the world about what I am called to be.

Wednesday 20 October, 2010

Some Lessons on Celebrating the Mass

Dear all,

In the past couple of weeks, I could experience a sudden turn of events that really helped to renew my walk with the LORD. I got the grace to celebrate Mass daily, and to spent good amount of time in rosary, personal prayer, Word of God reading, writing etc. etc. I attribute all this revival to the most generous graces showered by our Father in the name of Jesus through His Spirit. This happened through the motivation & prayers of multiple people, not as a group but in individual personal interactions, but all working together in proper order for the salvation of my poor soul. Another reiteration/affirmation of God's constant love and concern for me.

At this juncture, to start with my own response to my "Jubilee Thoughts", I am sharing a few lessons I learnt in my struggle to celebrate Holy Mass in a worthy manner. These are not general rules, but things I felt really apply to me. I am sharing this to myself grow in this fellowship, but if anyone finds this useful, it's a bonus!

In this span of 14 years since I first started celebrating Mass, I have gone through my ups and downs in the way I celebrate the Mass. I notice that in my beginning years, I used to see God's presence with the whole heavenly hosts upon the altar, but many a times in the years later, I had to struggle with lots of wandering thoughts during the celebration. I found that though my faith in the Real Presence never reduced, the devotion to it varied. I used to wonder what was wrong, and wanted to figure out how to deal with the problem.

As I introspected, I could find out the following things:
  • When I was not regularly spending time in personal prayers, there were distractions during the Mass.
    The connection? I meditate/contemplate a lot during my prayer time. If I am not spending time in prayer, I would instead spend time in contemplation during the Holy Mass. Thus, instead of watching closely the Holy Mass and its mysteries, I would do my contemplation, which I came to as "not healthy", though contemplation was something good.
  • When I am not using my Liturgy Book, I tend to get distracted.
    When I shared my difficulty to some of my friends and to some religious sisters, they recommended me to use the Liturgy Book. I could not first accept this suggestion, because I though that I will lose spontaneity if "read" prayers from a book. But I was amazed to see that their suggestion was full of wisdom, and it worked. I learnt that almost all the religious sisters daily use the Mass book, eventhough they know the prayers by-heart much more than we do. Why? One of the reasons is this: If you are not using the book, you'll need to put some effort to remember the prayers, however small that effort is. Our focus might shift to saying the prayers correctly from our memory "by-heart" rather than saying the prayers "from heart". Again, we may also tend to feel the pride in "knowing it fully" especially when you see your 'poor' neighbor "needs a book". (All this may not be true for you, but it is for me)
  • When I get distracted for some part of the Mass, I would get discouraged for the rest of the Mass.
    Even with my best efforts, it was (and is) common that distractions happen. At times I even "miss" the most important parts such as "Words of Institution" and the "Invocation of the Holy Spirit". Till some time back, if I got distracted for some portion of the Eucharist, I used to get discouraged till the end scolding myself for the same. But when God convicted me that though I need to set high standards for myself (according to the gospel values), I need not put high expectations from myself, that too so soon. God made me realize how poor I am and how He still loves me. The times when I was walking triumphantly with Him did not point to my greatness but to His ability to cover my inability. So what if I got distracted for a few minutes, I can humble myself and with ten times zeal try to open myself to the infinite graces of the Most Holy Eucharist by giving my best in the remaining moments, even if I come to my senses only during the Final Blessing.
That's all for now. I hope to continue my sharings as and when inspired to do so. I pray that I may be inspired all the time. ;-) If this inspires you in anyway to share your experiences, let that add glory to HIM.

Monday 18 October, 2010

On Contemplative Prayer

Dear all,

In the trail I have pasted a chapter from the well known book "The Way to Perfection" written by St. Teresa of Jesus. If you are interested in reading the e-book, you access it here - http://www.ccel.org/ccel/teresa/way.html

This book is very helpful for those who want to grow in intimate friendship with Jesus in prayer.



Taken from The Way to Perfection (St Teresa of Jesus, Avila)

CHAPTER 17
How not all souls are fitted for contemplation and how some take long to attain it. True humility will walk happily along the road by which the Lord leads it.


I seem now to be beginning my treatment of prayer, but there still remains a little for me to say, which is of great importance because it has to do with humility, and in this house that is necessary.

For humility is the principal virtue which must be practised by those who pray, and, as I have said, it is very fitting that you should try to learn how to practise it often: that is one of the chief things to remember about it and it is very necessary that it should be known by all who practise prayer. How can anyone who is truly humble think herself as good as those who become contemplatives? God, it is true, by His goodness and mercy, can make her so; but my advice is that she should always sit down in the lowest place, for that is what the Lord instructed us to do and taught us by His own example. Let such a one make herself ready for God to lead her by this road if He so wills; if He does not, the whole point of true humility is that she should consider herself happy in serving the servants of the Lord and in praising Him. For she deserves to be a slave of the devils in hell; yet His Majesty has brought her here to live among His servants.

I do not say this without good reason, for, as I have said, it is very important for us to realize that God does not lead us all by the same road, and perhaps she who believes herself to be going along the lowest of roads is the highest in the Lord’s eyes. So it does not follow that, because all of us in this house practise prayer, we are all perforce to be contemplatives. That is impossible; and those of us who are not would be greatly discouraged if we did not grasp the truth that contemplation is something given by God, and, as it is not necessary for salvation and God does not ask it of us before He gives us our reward, we must not suppose that anyone else will require it of us. We shall not fail to attain perfection if we do what has been said here; we may, in fact, gain much more merit, because what we do will cost us more labour; the Lord will be treating us like those who are strong and will be laying up for us all that we cannot enjoy in this life. Let us not be discouraged, then, and give up prayer or cease doing what the rest do; for the Lord sometimes tarries long, and gives us as great rewards all at once as He has been giving to others over many years.

I myself spent over fourteen years without ever being able to meditate except while reading. There must be many people like this, and others who cannot meditate even after reading, but can only recite vocal prayers, in which they chiefly occupy themselves and take a certain pleasure. Some find their thoughts wandering so much that they cannot concentrate upon the same thing, but are always restless, to such an extent that, if they try to fix their thoughts upon God, they are attacked by a thousand foolish ideas and scruples and doubts concerning the Faith.

I know a very old woman, leading a most excellent life—I wish mine were like hers—a penitent and a great servant of God, who for many years has been spending hours and hours in vocal prayer, but from mental prayer can get no help at all; the most she can do is to dwell upon each of her vocal prayers as she says them.

There are a great many other people just like this; if they are humble, they will not, I think, be any the worse off in the end, but very much in the same state as those who enjoy numerous consolations. In one way they may feel safer, for we cannot tell if consolations come from God or are sent by the devil. If they are not of God, they are the more dangerous; for the chief object of the devil’s work on earth is to fill us with pride. If they are of God, there is no reason for fear, for they bring humility with them, as I explained in my other book at great length. Others 53walk in humility, and always suspect that if they fail to receive consolations the fault is theirs, and are always most anxious to make progress. They never see a person shedding a tear without thinking themselves very backward in God’s service unless they are doing the same, whereas they may perhaps be much more advanced. For tears, though good, are not invariably signs of perfection; there is always greater safety in humility, mortification, detachment and other virtues.

There is no reason for fear, and you must not be afraid that you will fail to attain the perfection of the greatest contemplatives. Saint Martha was holy, but we are not told that she was a contemplative. What more do you want than to be able to grow to be like that blessed woman, who was worthy to receive Christ our Lord so often in her house, and to prepare meals for Him, and to serve Him and perhaps to eat at table with Him? If she had been absorbed in devotion [all the time], as the Magdalen was, there would have been no one to prepare a meal for this Divine Guest. Now remember that this little community is Saint Martha’s house and that there must be people of all kinds here. Nuns who are called to the active life must not murmur at others who are very much absorbed in contemplation, for contemplatives know that, though they themselves may be silent, the Lord will speak for them, and this, as a rule, makes them forget themselves and everything else.

Remember that there must be someone to cook the meals and count yourselves happy in being able to serve like Martha. Reflect that true humility consists to a great extent in being ready for what the Lord desires to do with you and happy that He should do it, and in always considering yourselves unworthy to be called His servants. If contemplation and mental and vocal prayer and tending the sick and serving in the house and working at even the lowliest tasks are of service to the Guest who comes to stay with us and to eat and take His recreation with us, what should it matter to us if we do one of these things rather than another?

I do not mean that it is for us to say what we shall do, but that we must do our best in everything, for the choice is not ours but the Lord’s. If after many years He is pleased to give each of us her office, it will be a curious kind of humility for you to wish to choose; let the Lord of the house do that, for He is wise and powerful and knows what is fitting for you and for Himself as well. Be sure that, if you do what lies in your power and prepare yourself for high contemplation with the perfection aforementioned, then, if He does not grant it you (and I think He will not fail to do so if you have true detachment and humility), it will be because He has laid up this joy for you so as to give it you in Heaven, and because, as I have said elsewhere, He is pleased to treat you like people who are strong and give you a cross to bear on earth like that which His Majesty Himself always bore. What better sign of friendship is there than for Him to give you what He gave Himself? It might well be that you would not have had so great a reward from contemplation. His judgments are His own; we must not meddle in them.

It is indeed a good thing that the choice is not ours; for, if it were, we should think it the more restful life and all become great contemplatives. Oh, how much we gain if we have no desire to gain what seems to us best and so have no fear of losing, since God never permits a truly mortified person to lose anything except when such loss will bring him greater gain!

Friday 1 October, 2010

TOB Reflection - Language of the Body

As we read from the theology of the body, body is a visible sign of our invisible soul, and as such what we do with our body must image our inner self's character. In the book I read sometime in 2002 - "Love, Sex and the Catholic Church" (available at St. Paul's) the author talks about the "language of the body". Let me give you an example. When I kiss my 1-year old son on his forehead, it communicates something to him "I love you my son. You are so dear to me!" When I hug him tightly, I give him assurance that my loving hands will be always there to protect him. Though he does not understand what I speak, still he clearly shows the sign that he is able to understand my gestures. My soul or mind are not capable of expressing myself to him what my body and its actions could. These are honest expressions from me. There are several bodily gestures that we do in a similar way which mean or talk something. So, when we shake hands with some one, show thumbs up, say good morning, wink, we are saying something. Now it is possible to hug someone, but at the same time wish ill for him/her in our mind. This is where a conflict occurs between what we communicate and what is inside, or rather, a conflict between our body and mind, body and soul or between mind and soul. Here, we are not true to ourselves, and to the person to whom we communicate.

Conjugal union has a language. It is a communication. It is a dialogue. It images the union of Christ with the Church. It images the union of the trinity. Here the couple places themselves to the complete trust in God, which images Mary's surrender to God - "Here I am your maid servant. Be it unto me according to your will". It is an expression of total self-giving to the other as well as the total acceptance of the other. Giving just as one is, and accepting just as the other is. This union is a creative and life-generating one. This is life-generating even when one (or both) partner is barren or sterile due to any physical illness or nature, since the union that it images is life-generating. Just as the Holy Spirit is generated from the mutual love between the Father and the Son, conjugal union that images mutual surrender & acceptance always brings life into the lives of both the partners. The physical life (offspring) generation is no less meant to be a Sacrament of this "life received in abundance".

Now, I am entering into the next aspect our topic - "Birth Control". I will share my views on the morality of Birth Control as a whole later. But one category of Birth Control is called "Contraception". Why I made this distinction was because it means "against conception", and birth control need not necessarily be an action 'against conception'.

So conjugal love - if it is honest - should speak many things. "Here's the flesh of my flesh, and the bone of my bone." "I love you and accept you just as you are, completely", "I give myself entirely to you, and accept me just as I am, with all my good and bad, strength and weaknesses", "Here I am. There is nothing hidden from you. There is nothing that separates us." "I share my joy of being one with you." "I delight in you, and I find my fullness in you", "I trust in you", "God, I thank you for creating both of us the way we are." "Lord, I am open to your life that you promised in fullness", "Lord, I trust in you" and so on.

When contraception is done, many of these unsaid utterances become meaningless. It says "I would accept you completely, except your fertility" "I give myself to you, but not my fertility." "Nothing separates you and me, except this condom." "I cannot become completely one with you, but I still finds pleasure in you". "Let us enjoy the pleasure part, but keep aside our full union." "Lord, thanks for the pleasure, but no life please!" "Lord, why did you attach procreation with sex, causing us much worry, difficulty and expense", "Contraceptives, I trust in you. Don't fail us and drag us either to an abortion, or to bear an unwanted baby!". The life-generating sacrament of the one-flesh union is defiled by the presence of foreign objects or by destroying the life after it is conceived, forbidding the union whose sign it is.

It is said that Christian marriage is not between two person, but rather 3 - God being in the center. In contraception, four things are offended - Creative power of God, Fertility of self, Fertility of the partner, Welcoming attitude towards a new life into one's family. I addition to all this, the one-flesh union is only a parody of what it should have been, and the division it brings moves into the realm of mind and spirit from the body. In their whole life they will try to figure out why there is so much gap between the two, until they repent and turn to the LORD.